Bubble of Joy

I am aware of the anxiety, and this awareness is dissolving the anxiety! I have no need to be anxious about getting my Master's. It is what it is. I am attempting to better my life. I am attempting to give something back through all this. This is no selfish endeavor. Sure it will be nice when I am a licensed MFT and I am making sweet bucks as a therapist for kids who need help, love, esteem, and some "happy" in their lives, but this is not the reason I am doing this, and because I know this, I can stop being anxious about it; stop feeling unworthy of it. I am worthy. I am evolving. I am being. I am growing. I AM.

I am caught up in obsessive thinking, all about a paper that is due on my first class, November 28th. It's to see if the student has an understanding of writing APA style. I fear I can't do it. And just as I typed that last sentence it made me laugh. Only my ego is reacting this way, it is not the true me reacting, for the true me does not react, it lives in the moment, it is pure Presence. This I need to BE in every moment, and then reaction can be left to the ego, which itself is withering, fading away for good. When I think in the moment I know that all is as it should be, and that is a beautiful way to think. I need to harness this thinking way all the time.

So here goes.
Being.

Whew! Nice deep breath and an exhale---that felt good.

Breathing into each moment. It's all so freaking beautiful if I just let it BE.

Saturday will have me at the library writing my first paper. I shall enjoy this process, embrace it all for the positivity that is sure to come from this program. I shouldn't worry myself with anything. I can do this. I can excel. If I come from love in this I know I can do it; have to let the fear go.

I am changing like never before. I am embracing things, truly, things that are meant for me, for the first time: sobriety, relationship, truth. I shall embrace AA. I am going to a church next Sunday, right here in Pasadena that explores all this Being stuff. I came across it in a magazine the other day. I am going to meet some interesting souls in the next few weeks---at school, AA, and this church. I am embracing life for the first time. I've always kind of hid from life, afraid to embrace the beauty of it all, mostly because I felt unworthy. Can't live like that anymore.

I want to enjoy this ride, so instead of "wanting" this, I need to BE this, then it is all around me, like a protective bubble. The Boy in the Love Bubble---that's me. And it is impossible to pop. For the love is strong, the truth is deep, and the Joy is overwhelming if I just let it be SO.

Join me for the ride, will ya!!!

Peace

Kevin