Roofers on top of my little treehouse, tearing up the old (some detritus and old tar balls falling through a vent onto my stove top) and settling down the new. Settling down the new. That coupla words just got me thinking. I have really been settling down with "new." I am going back to school. I am having thoughts of "settling down" with someone, maybe even pro-creating. I look at it as another adventure in this opportunity called life. I used to look at the prospect of getting married and having a kid as something that others do, not free-wheeling sex hounds like me. I believed, and still do on some level, that I am not the marrying and settling down kind of guy. I mean I like to suck transsexual cock. This could pose a problem to a tried and true committed relationship. Although one writer friend of mine says she would be willing to have a threesome with a shemale or a guy if I would like. What a modern lady!
It is not writer lady that I am thinking of settling down with, but maybe that's possible too. She wants me to go to a therapist with her when she gets back from visiting her Mom in France this holiday season (kind of like a couple going to therapy right? Writer lady insisted this is not the case, she said she wants to do so so she can navigate through her thoughts on how to deal with the fact that I may be the kind of guy that will stray into an unsafe zone when it comes to sexual encounters outside of our non-exclusive relationship). I tell ya---the relationship with said writer lady tends to get very interesting at times. Besides the fact that we fuck like wild animals for 2 hours or more, and never go out together, or sleep over each other's houses, it is quite a funny dynamic as far as I see it. The lady I am thinking of settling with is an old flame. I will call her Pilates lady for the purposes of characterizing her for this blog. I'm starting to get strange feelings for Pilates lady. Thoughts of moving in with her again (or do I just want Direct TV again? My next door neighbor moved out on the 30th of last month, so Charter Communications promptly shut off the free cable I have been mooching 0ff of him for the past two years). I'm not wholly sure about my feelings for Pilates lady. We have a storied past. She does know everything about me, and she has embraced our periodic re-connects for the past 13 years, though they usually cut off with her being mad at me that I didn't take our night of sleep over as a sign that we are working on getting back together. But I have been cruel to her in my own not so special way. I have talked bad about her to others, and I have never appreciated her for who she is, and that bothers me, for she IS a sweet, caring soul that like every one else on this godforsaken planet, just wants some lovin'. She has always given me the benefit of the doubt, supported me in all my mad ventures, and is quick to forgive and give. So why haven't I settled down with Pilates lady years ago? Quick answer comes to mind for this question. It wasn't time. Maybe it is now. Maybe it is the high road for me, the proverbial road less traveled that I have been attempting to navigate these past couple of years. Maybe I can BE this. But I do have feelings for Writer lady, and I do fantasize about a certain Texan in my life, and I do still want to bang every woman that crosses my path on any given day, and I do still want to suck some cock now and then (especially if attached to chocolate transsexual).
I spent the past four days taking care of a very sick C-Bone. My job has been one of holding said autistic wonder boy to keep him from self injurious behaviors. Tiring. Seems like I have no time in my life these days with work, school, and crazy ass women in my life. But it is me that has created this state of being, so I'm going to continue to happily wallow in it, though at times I just want to quit my job, blow off going back to school, and write a book, traveling the Country and living the life of a true wanderer-seeker; looking for the secrets of the Universe, or at least the ones I feel like I have not uncovered yet. But then again, sometimes my soul says: Stay the path. Continue to evolve. Be in the moment. Embrace all that IS.
Easier said than done.
Off to the library now to start a Power Point, research for a paper, and then hit the gym for a much needed work out after 16 hours with C-Bone yesterday. I am shot---physically and mentally----but I feel good (my entire treehouse is shaking---roofers have heavy feet). I feel ready to attempt a sweet, mostly sober, relaxing, serene day of atmospheric library lighting, unhurried school work, and then seeing Pilates lady tonight to go to a play with her and one of her friends (threesome after the show???).
Peace
Kevin
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