I'm a good therapist. Did an exercise in class last night. I was counseling others. The judging faculty gave me high praise. It felt right, being in the moment, truly listening to another. Not thinking. Just pure listening in the moment. I paraphrased back, was empathetic, friendly, helpful, understanding. I am a therapist. I also want to quit my job.
I am going to resign from my C-Bone gig. Doing some searching now for another gig. It will be four years in February that I have been working with him, and it's time to cut the umbilical chord that has manifested between me, him, and his mother. I am too close. Too close mentally, and even physically (living 1.6 miles from his home makes me feel like I am on call 24/7). For a month C-Bone has been off the hook---behaviorally. I'm done. Stick a fuckin' fork in me already!
I genuinely feel it is time. During our mock counseling sessions in class last night, when it was my turn to play client, I reeled on about my anxiety with my current job, and the anxiety created by feeling guilty about wanting to leave it. In retrospect I am glad I opened up. It made me see it from another perspective. I am changing. Life is changing. It's time for something new. In two and a half years I will be a licensed therapist and I will have a most interesting gig somewhere. I am going to start now by changing it up a bit while I am in school. Time for some growth on the job front. Something different yet of course related to what I am going to be doing when I graduate. I know there is something out there. I plan on being in a new gig come February.
C-Bone will be fine. He is changing too, and having someone work with him with a different perspective is what I think he could use. I am too close as I said before. Every moment I am with him I am just waiting for the next anxious outburst from him. What will it be, I think. His sinuses? The cuts on his knuckles from banging walls? A gut issue (Those with autism generally have screwed up GI tracts)? I am fried green tomatoes. I am anxious in my stomach right now knowing I have to go to see him at 3:30 today. Every moment I am not with him I am expecting a phone call to come sleep over or help another therapist deal with his outbursts. I can't do it. I need anxiety drugs myself to keep this course. And you know what---it's all okay.
It's okay to move on. It's okay to find another gig. It's all---okay.
Right?
Peace
Kevin
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