Autism is kicking my ass!!! C-Bone is hurting. Three weeks plus now!! I have been sleeping over his house (not really sleeping) and pretty much "holding" the guy so he doesn't hurt himself. It's tough! And I want to get to work on my 10 page paper for school tonight but my eyes are closing and I have to be back at his house tonight to sleep over and then work thirteen hours, sleep over again, be relieved Saturday morning at 9 am, and then go to the library all day, till 3 to write said paper, then have to get to writer's house because she wants to fuck before she leaves Sunday for two weeks to see her Mom in France and visit Madrid to see the premier of the one woman show on her erotic memoir-The Surrender! And I need to trail run, work out, sleep and eat somewhere in there. I know it will all work out. I truly do believe the universe does not ever give us more than we can handle. And I'm gonna keep believing that!!
Class for Master's in Counseling is going great! I did my PowerPoint presentation early and it got high praise. I guess I'm up for this school madness. It feel s good being in class, like I belong. And my Conversations With God daily e-mail spoke of fear:
Your fears have stopped you before
but they need not stop you now.
What's the worst that can happen?
And if "that" happened,
what would happen then?
And if "that" happened, then what?
Now, if you give "in" to your fears, where will that leave you?
Right where you are now?
And if that's where you want to be,
why is the "other"option even a little bit exciting to you?
but they need not stop you now.
What's the worst that can happen?
And if "that" happened,
what would happen then?
And if "that" happened, then what?
Now, if you give "in" to your fears, where will that leave you?
Right where you are now?
And if that's where you want to be,
why is the "other"option even a little bit exciting to you?
I get it. Thank you universe. I actually take this little message to mean a lot. Fear of going to school, fear of failure in both school and work and pretty much face it---I fear life sometimes. I fear relationship. I fear change. I fear love. I fear lack of love. I think it's time to go back to therapy. What the hell, I'm gonna be a therapist in a few years time, might as well see what's out there. I've delved in therapy before---and I liked it. Good to just get all the shit out.
I just need to keep reminding myself that I am doing okay. But it sure does seem like chaos is reigning supreme---in my life and all around me. Maybe these really are the beginning of the end times. I don't fear that though, I know deep down somewhere in my being, that if I stay positive, keep helping others and coming from love, and walking the road less traveled, and BEING happy, and keeping fear from taking over---well then---all WILL be good. I know this. So I shall try to live each day in this knowing.
I think, sometimes, that my purpose for coming into this life was to beat the fear out of me; to rise above the unworthiness and truly embrace life fully, as the free spirit I am.
My soul is smiling (even though my eyes are closing).
Peace
Kevin
Peace
Kevin
I just need to keep reminding myself that I am doing okay. But it sure does seem like chaos is reigning supreme---in my life and all around me. Maybe these really are the beginning of the end times. I don't fear that though, I know deep down somewhere in my being, that if I stay positive, keep helping others and coming from love, and walking the road less traveled, and BEING happy, and keeping fear from taking over---well then---all WILL be good. I know this. So I shall try to live each day in this knowing.
I think, sometimes, that my purpose for coming into this life was to beat the fear out of me; to rise above the unworthiness and truly embrace life fully, as the free spirit I am.
My soul is smiling (even though my eyes are closing).
Peace
Kevin
Peace
Kevin
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